Howard Stern…I’m Disappointed
October 5th 2006 14:43
I just watched the 60 Minutes episode I tivo’d a few weeks ago where they interviewed Howard. I always try to catch this show because Andy Rooney is my hero, plus I usually try to keep up with stories about Howard Stern. Mind you, I never liked watching his show (though morbid curiosity has made me do it several times) and I don’t have satellite radio, but I find him to be a most interesting character. However, Howard has made his way to my Fool’s List.
He looked so “Howard” sitting there. I wondered if it was difficult for him to talk without saying something obscene or disgusting. I tried to look for signs of stress in his face, but I didn’t catch any. His lovely girlfriend (or wife….missed that part) sat there with that huge smile saying, “It’s all about Howard and I love that.” She punctuated it with another, “It is all about Howard.” He flashed her a loving look. How sweet, you idiot! She’s mucho years younger than you, she’s attractive and has a great body and she just told you and the world in so many words why she’s with you. If you work for IBM, it’s all about IBM, right? When we totally ignore our own wants and needs, it’s usually because there is a paycheck involved and that is what we work for. It is obvious she views herself as your employee.
Wake up, Howard! I thought you were smarter than that. I thought all of your ignorant ramblings were an act. I figured you for being one of the slickest entrepreneurs around. You came from nowhere and now you’re a household name. You started with a simple concept and what a concept….say anything you want to anyone you want, belittle the hell out them, humiliate them and get paid amazing bucks to do it. You are mean, hateful, spiteful, sick and completely obscene. Your guests are depraved with absolutely no self-esteem. They will do anything you tell them to do. Oh wait…maybe I reacted too hastily. I think I’ll move you to my “King of Slick” list. Sorry, Howard, my bad.
STORY BLOCK (remember RATED R)
Top Performer - continued
Tim and Bradley walked down the prison street toward their dormitories.
“So, what exciting shit's gonna happen to you tonight?” asked Bradley with a chuckle.
“I hope nothing...last night was enough.”
“You know they’re keeping it real quiet...what really happened?”
Tim hesitated, “Well...somebody put a stinger in his mouth...it electrocuted him.”
“You mean one of those things they make hot water with...the spoons taped to an electrical cord?”
“Yep, they put it in his mouth and plugged it in.”
Bradley opened his eyes wide. “Man! It gives me a chill thinking about it. But he was probably a punk anyway, so it wasn’t a big loss”
Tim stopped in front of his dorm. “See ya.”
Bradley waved and the two men went their separate ways.
Captain Hague stood in front of the officers giving the nightly briefing. “Well, after our little incident last week in Buckman's dorm, it's been pretty quiet. The troopers said they felt it was gang related, so I want you to watch your gang bangers a little closer. There may be retaliation from a rival gang. Have a good night.”
Later that night, as Tim was reading a newspaper and eating a sandwich, the phone rang. Tim answered it quickly. “L-Dorm...Buckman speaking.”
It was Bradley. “What’s happening over there?”
Tim put his newspaper down and took a big bite of his sandwich, speaking with his mouth full. “Not much. Anything going on over there?”
“No...I had a fight earlier but they took them to the hole.”
“Was it a good fight?”
“No, a couple of fags.”
Both men laughed. Tim tossed his lunch bag into the trash.
“You know, it doesn't bother me much when these guys do things to each other...I mean, shit, they had victims on the street and they didn't care about them. They come to the joint and have it easier than they ever did in their life. Hell, I usually let a fight go pretty long before I hit my mandown for help.” Bradley laughed loudly. “Especially them cat fights between fags!”
Both men laughed.
“Well...I just heard something...I better make a round.” said Bradley.
“Okay...talk to you later.” Tim hung up the phone.
In a dark corner of the dormitory room, the shadow lurked around the area as if looking for someone specific. There was only the faint sound of footsteps as the shadow hovered over an inmate lying on a bunk. A hand picked up a pillow and put it over the inmate's head. The inmate on the bed struggled with the shadow and then lost the battle.
Officer Cooper, a petite female who many did not like, was going from bed to bed waking up inmates for work. She stopped at one bed where the inmate was totally under his covers. She slapped the inmate’s foot with her large gate key. He did not respond. “Hey! Get up! They want you at work!” Nothing. She thumped the key against his head. She hesitated and then thumped his head again. Nothing. She carefully stepped back an arms distance and flipped the cover off the inmate’s head. The inmate was gray, obviously dead. Cooper gasped and pushed the button on her mandown alarm.
continued tomorrow
He looked so “Howard” sitting there. I wondered if it was difficult for him to talk without saying something obscene or disgusting. I tried to look for signs of stress in his face, but I didn’t catch any. His lovely girlfriend (or wife….missed that part) sat there with that huge smile saying, “It’s all about Howard and I love that.” She punctuated it with another, “It is all about Howard.” He flashed her a loving look. How sweet, you idiot! She’s mucho years younger than you, she’s attractive and has a great body and she just told you and the world in so many words why she’s with you. If you work for IBM, it’s all about IBM, right? When we totally ignore our own wants and needs, it’s usually because there is a paycheck involved and that is what we work for. It is obvious she views herself as your employee.
Wake up, Howard! I thought you were smarter than that. I thought all of your ignorant ramblings were an act. I figured you for being one of the slickest entrepreneurs around. You came from nowhere and now you’re a household name. You started with a simple concept and what a concept….say anything you want to anyone you want, belittle the hell out them, humiliate them and get paid amazing bucks to do it. You are mean, hateful, spiteful, sick and completely obscene. Your guests are depraved with absolutely no self-esteem. They will do anything you tell them to do. Oh wait…maybe I reacted too hastily. I think I’ll move you to my “King of Slick” list. Sorry, Howard, my bad.
STORY BLOCK (remember RATED R)
Top Performer - continued
Tim and Bradley walked down the prison street toward their dormitories.
“So, what exciting shit's gonna happen to you tonight?” asked Bradley with a chuckle.
“I hope nothing...last night was enough.”
“You know they’re keeping it real quiet...what really happened?”
Tim hesitated, “Well...somebody put a stinger in his mouth...it electrocuted him.”
“You mean one of those things they make hot water with...the spoons taped to an electrical cord?”
“Yep, they put it in his mouth and plugged it in.”
Bradley opened his eyes wide. “Man! It gives me a chill thinking about it. But he was probably a punk anyway, so it wasn’t a big loss”
Tim stopped in front of his dorm. “See ya.”
Bradley waved and the two men went their separate ways.
Captain Hague stood in front of the officers giving the nightly briefing. “Well, after our little incident last week in Buckman's dorm, it's been pretty quiet. The troopers said they felt it was gang related, so I want you to watch your gang bangers a little closer. There may be retaliation from a rival gang. Have a good night.”
Later that night, as Tim was reading a newspaper and eating a sandwich, the phone rang. Tim answered it quickly. “L-Dorm...Buckman speaking.”
It was Bradley. “What’s happening over there?”
Tim put his newspaper down and took a big bite of his sandwich, speaking with his mouth full. “Not much. Anything going on over there?”
“No...I had a fight earlier but they took them to the hole.”
“Was it a good fight?”
“No, a couple of fags.”
Both men laughed. Tim tossed his lunch bag into the trash.
“You know, it doesn't bother me much when these guys do things to each other...I mean, shit, they had victims on the street and they didn't care about them. They come to the joint and have it easier than they ever did in their life. Hell, I usually let a fight go pretty long before I hit my mandown for help.” Bradley laughed loudly. “Especially them cat fights between fags!”
Both men laughed.
“Well...I just heard something...I better make a round.” said Bradley.
“Okay...talk to you later.” Tim hung up the phone.
In a dark corner of the dormitory room, the shadow lurked around the area as if looking for someone specific. There was only the faint sound of footsteps as the shadow hovered over an inmate lying on a bunk. A hand picked up a pillow and put it over the inmate's head. The inmate on the bed struggled with the shadow and then lost the battle.
Officer Cooper, a petite female who many did not like, was going from bed to bed waking up inmates for work. She stopped at one bed where the inmate was totally under his covers. She slapped the inmate’s foot with her large gate key. He did not respond. “Hey! Get up! They want you at work!” Nothing. She thumped the key against his head. She hesitated and then thumped his head again. Nothing. She carefully stepped back an arms distance and flipped the cover off the inmate’s head. The inmate was gray, obviously dead. Cooper gasped and pushed the button on her mandown alarm.
continued tomorrow
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