Prison Stories: ADMISSION OF GUILT (Conclusion)
October 18th 2006 11:26
STORY BLOCK Rated R
Admission of Guilt....the conclusion
Randy finished his letter. He read through it and then sealed it in an envelope. He stared across the room thinking about what he had written. Was it possible that the tale I’ve been telling is true? Randy contemplated this and tried to think back to when he denied having done this terrible crime. He couldn’t remember what that felt like. For a minute, he felt very confused. Had he raped that woman? It was no longer clear in his mind. He laid back on his bunk and closed his eyes and let his mind drift back to that day and the events as he remembered them.
Suddenly, Randy sat up straight. Jesus! He had done it! Oh, God, how could I have done such a thing. Randy was amazed at the power of denial. But, of course, that was what denial was all about. But, how could someone just block something like that out of their mind completely? He couldn’t figure it out, but he knew that the time he was doing was well deserved and that this knowledge would make doing his time a lot easier. Randy felt a sudden urge to talk to someone. Picking up the letter, Randy headed for Ms. Smith’s office.
He knocked on her door. Inside, she was doing something on her computer. She looked up and smiled at Randy, “Come on in.”
Randy opened the door and stuck his head in, “Are you busy? I could come back later...”
Ms. Smith moved the keyboard to the side of her desk. “No, come in.”
Randy entered and took the seat in front of her desk.
“What’s going on?” she asked.
Randy picked at thread on the edge of his shirt. “I, uh, just felt like talking.”
“Great! I’m in the mood for listening. What’s on your mind?”
“You know I’ve been going to a lot of groups...and I really like them.
“That’s good, Mr. Price, that’s what it’s all about.”
Randy nodded and hesitated and then just let it rip. “I’ve learned that I have been in denial. I know what I did, Ms. Smith and it was terrible....”
Randy rambled on telling Ms. Smith the entire story. He finally paused after asking her if she thought he should mail the letter to his wife. Ms. Smith did not answer as quickly as he thought she would. Ms. Smith seemed to be giving it a lot of thought. Randy spoke up, “Why are you hesitating? Should I not send it? Help me out here, Ms. Smith.”
“Well,” she finally responded, “I don’t like telling guys what to do when it may impact their whole life. You need to make this decision. I’m glad the groups are helping you, but as to whether you should tell it all to your wife and kids...I don’t know. I mean, I don’t know them or what your relationship is with them.”
“There is no relationship.”
“Well, I am a firm believer that the truth is always best...but....”
“But what?”
Ms. Smith shook her head. Randy had never seen Ms. Smith with such an expression as he was looking at now. He was starting to feel that maybe he shouldn’t have came to talk to her.
“Well, if all that you’ve told me is the truth, then you need to free yourself by sharing it with all who know and love you. And, I guess, if you have no relationship right now with your family, the truth can’t do anymore damage...”
http://www.lulu.com/content/543248
Admission of Guilt....the conclusion
Randy finished his letter. He read through it and then sealed it in an envelope. He stared across the room thinking about what he had written. Was it possible that the tale I’ve been telling is true? Randy contemplated this and tried to think back to when he denied having done this terrible crime. He couldn’t remember what that felt like. For a minute, he felt very confused. Had he raped that woman? It was no longer clear in his mind. He laid back on his bunk and closed his eyes and let his mind drift back to that day and the events as he remembered them.
Suddenly, Randy sat up straight. Jesus! He had done it! Oh, God, how could I have done such a thing. Randy was amazed at the power of denial. But, of course, that was what denial was all about. But, how could someone just block something like that out of their mind completely? He couldn’t figure it out, but he knew that the time he was doing was well deserved and that this knowledge would make doing his time a lot easier. Randy felt a sudden urge to talk to someone. Picking up the letter, Randy headed for Ms. Smith’s office.
He knocked on her door. Inside, she was doing something on her computer. She looked up and smiled at Randy, “Come on in.”
Randy opened the door and stuck his head in, “Are you busy? I could come back later...”
Ms. Smith moved the keyboard to the side of her desk. “No, come in.”
Randy entered and took the seat in front of her desk.
“What’s going on?” she asked.
Randy picked at thread on the edge of his shirt. “I, uh, just felt like talking.”
“Great! I’m in the mood for listening. What’s on your mind?”
“You know I’ve been going to a lot of groups...and I really like them.
“That’s good, Mr. Price, that’s what it’s all about.”
Randy nodded and hesitated and then just let it rip. “I’ve learned that I have been in denial. I know what I did, Ms. Smith and it was terrible....”
Randy rambled on telling Ms. Smith the entire story. He finally paused after asking her if she thought he should mail the letter to his wife. Ms. Smith did not answer as quickly as he thought she would. Ms. Smith seemed to be giving it a lot of thought. Randy spoke up, “Why are you hesitating? Should I not send it? Help me out here, Ms. Smith.”
“Well,” she finally responded, “I don’t like telling guys what to do when it may impact their whole life. You need to make this decision. I’m glad the groups are helping you, but as to whether you should tell it all to your wife and kids...I don’t know. I mean, I don’t know them or what your relationship is with them.”
“There is no relationship.”
“Well, I am a firm believer that the truth is always best...but....”
“But what?”
Ms. Smith shook her head. Randy had never seen Ms. Smith with such an expression as he was looking at now. He was starting to feel that maybe he shouldn’t have came to talk to her.
“Well, if all that you’ve told me is the truth, then you need to free yourself by sharing it with all who know and love you. And, I guess, if you have no relationship right now with your family, the truth can’t do anymore damage...”
http://www.lulu.com/content/543248
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