Prison Stories: ADMISSION OF GUILT (continued)
October 17th 2006 11:17
STORY BLOCK Rated R
Admission of Guilt continued....
The man who was obviously the head of this panel spoke with no emotion. “Inmate Price, we have discussed your file and have decided to continue you for sixty months to your original out date. We came to this decision based on the seriousness of your crime and the fact that your records do not reflect any significant changes.”
Randy looked at the panel in disbelief. “No significant changes...I don’t understand.”
The man did not look up as he said, “No significant changes means you haven’t participated in any psychoeducational programming or done anything to address the issues that led to your crime.” The man then closed Randy’s file and looked up at him. “That’s all Inmate Price, we’re done here.”
Randy’s vision narrowed as the reality of what just happened hit him. His blood pressure soared as did his temper. “You can’t do this to me...I’m innocent!” he shouted at the panel. One panel member pushed a button on the side of the table as Randy continued to rant. “It’s not fair! I didn’t rape anyone and there are no issues for me to address!
An officer busted into the room, startling Randy. Randy held his hands out in front of him anticipating the officer’s next move. The officer cuffed Randy and escorted him out. Tears streamed down Randy’s face.
Randy’s next three days were spent in an isolation cell. It had been a good three days for him. He spent the first day contemplating suicide, which he totally abandoned the thought of and then he began to face the reality of his situation. The second and third day, he spent trying to convince himself to play along with this game. As he left isolation...his plan was set. He would apply for programs and he’d say he did the crime so that he could get into the programs. After he completed them, he’d apply for judicial release or anything he could apply for.
Randy greeted Ms. Smith when she came in. She had offered to use her clout card, now he would call her on that. He had to get into some groups and get this show on the road. Randy started talking before Ms. Smith got to her desk. His tone was a little defensive as well as his posture. “You said you’d help me get into groups...will you still do that for me?”
Ms. Smith sat down in her chair, putting her small purse into a drawer. She looked at Randy and smiled. “Of course I will...what do you want to get into?”
Randy’s body relaxed. “Anything, Ms. Smith...anything. Thank you.”
Ms. Smith picked up the phone and dialed.
It had not been as easy as Randy thought it would be. He had attended four of the Anger Management groups and he still had not admitted to raping that woman. The instructor had warned him that he would be removed from the group if he did not fess up to his wrongdoing. He knew he had to just do it or give it up. He woke with a good attitude and decided that today was the day. Entering the group room, all the other members were already seated. The instructor looked at Randy as he took his seat.
“You’re late.” the chubby little man stated.
Randy looked at his watch and then back at the instructor. “Sorry.”
“So...Inmate Price, don’t you have something to share with the group?”
Randy could feel his face burning and his heart racing. He felt a little dizzy as he nodded. Damn...this is it! He took a deep breath and stared into space as he spoke, “I...um...I don’t know why I did it...but...I raped a woman.” There! I did it. Now, maybe he’ll leave me alone.
The instructor looked at Randy. “Good, now can you tell us about what happened?”
Shit! This bastard isn’t gonna leave me alone! Randy sighed loudly. “Well...they said....”
The instructor interrupted, “They said?”
Randy looked confused. Then it hit him...they said was not acceptable. “Okay, I was walking down the street and I saw a woman trying to get in her car. I looked around and didn’t see anyone so I grabbed her, opened her car door and threw her in. She was scared so she didn’t even scream. I got her keys and drove out on a country road. I raped her and then I got scared. I thought she might tell, so I beat her up and threatened to come back and kill her if she told on me. I left her and her car on the country road and walked back into town to my house.”
All the inmates and the instructor listened to his story with interest. There was a few seconds of silence and then the instructor spoke. “There, don’t you feel better now?” The instructor walked over to Randy and squeezed his shoulder. “Don’t you feel better now that you’ve taken responsibility?”
Randy looked up at him and almost whispered, “Yeah, I guess.”
Many months passed and Randy had adjusted to telling his story. In fact, with each recital, he added more intricate details. He did feel better. He fit into the groups and got approval from staff members. He wondered why he had been so resistant in the beginning. Maybe if he had done this before, the Parole Board would have released him. He didn’t know and he didn’t care. He felt good about himself and right now, that was what mattered. He pulled a piece of paper from his locker box along with a pen. Maybe it was time that he write his family. It had been over four years since he had contact with his wife. He needed to know how his kids were and how she was. He still loved her. He sat on the edge of his bunk and used his locker as a table to write.
Dear Susan,
I could not hold out any longer. I had to write you. Many things have changed for me in prison. I have changed. It is my hope that this letter will clear things up for you. First, how are the kids? I miss them so much. I wish you would reconsider and let them have contact with me. I am their father and I love them. Please think about it. I know I’ve done some terrible things, but I’m working on that and it is my prayer that one day, you and the kids will be able to forgive me.
Which brings me to what I did. It has taken almost six years, but I reached a point where I can accept responsibility for my crime. I’m not sure, I must have been very angry that day. If I recall, we had a fight and I left the house mad. Little by little the details of that day have returned. It was awful....
Conclusion tomorrow!
Admission of Guilt continued....
The man who was obviously the head of this panel spoke with no emotion. “Inmate Price, we have discussed your file and have decided to continue you for sixty months to your original out date. We came to this decision based on the seriousness of your crime and the fact that your records do not reflect any significant changes.”
Randy looked at the panel in disbelief. “No significant changes...I don’t understand.”
The man did not look up as he said, “No significant changes means you haven’t participated in any psychoeducational programming or done anything to address the issues that led to your crime.” The man then closed Randy’s file and looked up at him. “That’s all Inmate Price, we’re done here.”
Randy’s vision narrowed as the reality of what just happened hit him. His blood pressure soared as did his temper. “You can’t do this to me...I’m innocent!” he shouted at the panel. One panel member pushed a button on the side of the table as Randy continued to rant. “It’s not fair! I didn’t rape anyone and there are no issues for me to address!
An officer busted into the room, startling Randy. Randy held his hands out in front of him anticipating the officer’s next move. The officer cuffed Randy and escorted him out. Tears streamed down Randy’s face.
Randy’s next three days were spent in an isolation cell. It had been a good three days for him. He spent the first day contemplating suicide, which he totally abandoned the thought of and then he began to face the reality of his situation. The second and third day, he spent trying to convince himself to play along with this game. As he left isolation...his plan was set. He would apply for programs and he’d say he did the crime so that he could get into the programs. After he completed them, he’d apply for judicial release or anything he could apply for.
Randy greeted Ms. Smith when she came in. She had offered to use her clout card, now he would call her on that. He had to get into some groups and get this show on the road. Randy started talking before Ms. Smith got to her desk. His tone was a little defensive as well as his posture. “You said you’d help me get into groups...will you still do that for me?”
Ms. Smith sat down in her chair, putting her small purse into a drawer. She looked at Randy and smiled. “Of course I will...what do you want to get into?”
Randy’s body relaxed. “Anything, Ms. Smith...anything. Thank you.”
Ms. Smith picked up the phone and dialed.
It had not been as easy as Randy thought it would be. He had attended four of the Anger Management groups and he still had not admitted to raping that woman. The instructor had warned him that he would be removed from the group if he did not fess up to his wrongdoing. He knew he had to just do it or give it up. He woke with a good attitude and decided that today was the day. Entering the group room, all the other members were already seated. The instructor looked at Randy as he took his seat.
“You’re late.” the chubby little man stated.
Randy looked at his watch and then back at the instructor. “Sorry.”
“So...Inmate Price, don’t you have something to share with the group?”
Randy could feel his face burning and his heart racing. He felt a little dizzy as he nodded. Damn...this is it! He took a deep breath and stared into space as he spoke, “I...um...I don’t know why I did it...but...I raped a woman.” There! I did it. Now, maybe he’ll leave me alone.
The instructor looked at Randy. “Good, now can you tell us about what happened?”
Shit! This bastard isn’t gonna leave me alone! Randy sighed loudly. “Well...they said....”
The instructor interrupted, “They said?”
Randy looked confused. Then it hit him...they said was not acceptable. “Okay, I was walking down the street and I saw a woman trying to get in her car. I looked around and didn’t see anyone so I grabbed her, opened her car door and threw her in. She was scared so she didn’t even scream. I got her keys and drove out on a country road. I raped her and then I got scared. I thought she might tell, so I beat her up and threatened to come back and kill her if she told on me. I left her and her car on the country road and walked back into town to my house.”
All the inmates and the instructor listened to his story with interest. There was a few seconds of silence and then the instructor spoke. “There, don’t you feel better now?” The instructor walked over to Randy and squeezed his shoulder. “Don’t you feel better now that you’ve taken responsibility?”
Randy looked up at him and almost whispered, “Yeah, I guess.”
Many months passed and Randy had adjusted to telling his story. In fact, with each recital, he added more intricate details. He did feel better. He fit into the groups and got approval from staff members. He wondered why he had been so resistant in the beginning. Maybe if he had done this before, the Parole Board would have released him. He didn’t know and he didn’t care. He felt good about himself and right now, that was what mattered. He pulled a piece of paper from his locker box along with a pen. Maybe it was time that he write his family. It had been over four years since he had contact with his wife. He needed to know how his kids were and how she was. He still loved her. He sat on the edge of his bunk and used his locker as a table to write.
Dear Susan,
I could not hold out any longer. I had to write you. Many things have changed for me in prison. I have changed. It is my hope that this letter will clear things up for you. First, how are the kids? I miss them so much. I wish you would reconsider and let them have contact with me. I am their father and I love them. Please think about it. I know I’ve done some terrible things, but I’m working on that and it is my prayer that one day, you and the kids will be able to forgive me.
Which brings me to what I did. It has taken almost six years, but I reached a point where I can accept responsibility for my crime. I’m not sure, I must have been very angry that day. If I recall, we had a fight and I left the house mad. Little by little the details of that day have returned. It was awful....
Conclusion tomorrow!
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